It’s been a while since I wrote a blog now and I’m not sure why I couldn’t write one earlier. I suppose in terms of the timeline of the diary I didn’t really know how to format this section of life? Would anyone still want to read on or was I just going to be rambling about daily life Narcolepsy struggles that you have all heard before? It all changed when I read a book recently called ‘Everything I know about Love’ by Dolly Alderton and felt inspired to start writing again. I related so much to her book simply because I felt that our life circumstances lined up. Full of unfiltered uni stories, failed Tinder dates and all the feelings about the societal expectations on a young woman approaching 30 – it was the ideal thing for me to read. Her stories are not unique but that is where the magic lies – we have alllllll been there. I read it and felt like I was reading about my own life and to be honest, that’s the kind of reading I like now. I like to feel normal and that someone else has went through the same shit as I have. It’s not that I wish any of my experiences on anyone else, it’s just that I am now completely fascinated by the stories of other humans and shared experiences. It’s comforting to feel like I’m not alone or going crazy, that actually, to not have everything figured out is ok. It’s perfectly normal.
The recovery from surgery was a long one and I was off work for about 2-3 months. In that time I did a lot of reflecting on what had happened to me.
During my time off a family member was involved in an accident and before I knew it I was surrounded by the familiar sound of beeping hospital machines and a blurred sea of green fashioned as indoor décor. Instead of someone leaning over my bedside, I was leaning over theirs offering water to cope with the dryness induced by the oxygen mask.
I met up with my boss for lunch one day and I remember going over the events of the accident. Suddenly I couldn’t tell him when I was going to return to work. It was as if the hospital visit had retraumatised me. I explained that I wasn’t ready to return to work just yet – but instead of explaining that I thought I was a bit mentally injured, I said that my physical wound hadn’t yet healed.
Week one million (or so it feels like) of lockdown approaches. I feel like everyone is starting to get super fed up. We have all done the Joe Wicks, made the iced coffees, danced to Tik Tok dances, cleared out our drawers and done more online shopping than our finances are ok with. What’s next?I have found that I am returning to my old ways more and more – but this aint no bad thing! One example is that I bought a football. I don’t know what came over me I haven’t played with a football in years! As a child, I loved nothing more than going outside and kicking a football around. I was so happy when it arrived and once I got it blown up I was straight outside with my new purchase.