Tag: Sleep

Post Corporate Life – The Identity Crisis 

 It’s been a while since I wrote a blog now and I’m not sure why I couldn’t write one earlier. I suppose in terms of the timeline of the diary I didn’t really know how to format this section of life? Would anyone still want to read on or was I just going to be rambling about daily life Narcolepsy struggles that you have all heard before? It all changed when I read a book recently called ‘Everything I know about Love’ by Dolly Alderton and felt inspired to start writing again. I related so much to her book simply because I felt that our life circumstances lined up. Full of unfiltered uni stories, failed Tinder dates and all the feelings about the societal expectations on a young woman approaching 30 – it was the ideal thing for me to read. Her stories are not unique but that is where the magic lies – we have alllllll been there. I read it and felt like I was reading about my own life and to be honest, that’s the kind of reading I like now. I like to feel normal and that someone else has went through the same shit as I have. It’s not that I wish any of my experiences on anyone else, it’s just that I am now completely fascinated by the stories of other humans and shared experiences. It’s comforting to feel like I’m not alone or going crazy, that actually, to not have everything figured out is ok.  It’s perfectly normal.  

hospital-picture-london

Waiting for Surgery & Ward Neighbours

Self-doubt really cripples my progress in writing the remainder of this saga. How long should it be? Am I skipping over important parts? Or am I including too much info on uninteresting, normal events. I am reading a book by Margaret Atwood at the moment and it took being 200 pages in for me to be interested in it simply because absolutely everything is described. But at the same time I love it because she could write a novel about a leaf and make it sound interesting. So here goes nothing…

Previously on this average story telling blog….I was just told the news that I would be having my right ovary removed. But before we dive into my anatomy, let’s talk about my ward neighbours first (all names have been changed or omitted just incase this gets popular – unlikely but just incase haha).

Hospital Life in slow motion

This London story is so much longer than I originally intended. The more I write the more I seem to remember. It’s like the memories were stuffed in a brain wardrobe out of sight and now everything is spilling into my consciousness. I’m pretty sure that’s called ‘avoidance’ or numbing the emotions when things are simply too difficult for you to process so you just don’t.

A lot of things that I write here might not be remarkable in any way to other people, but via these blogs I hope to let go of the trauma I felt from all of this. Yes worse things happen in life but to me, this turned my life upside down and gave it a good shake. It made me view life differently and re-evaluate what I wanted out of it. This is my final piece to recovery and upon which I will close this chapter.

Perfectionist Ways – Please leave

I have this thing where if something isn’t perfect I won’t do it. Perfectionists are often seen as highly motivated individuals, meticulous in their work, working to high standards and generally, it’s viewed as a good trait to have.

Mines is driving me crazy. It’s making me avoid everything at the minute, so much so that it’s actually delaying things.

Whilst yes its great to have the aspiration for everything to perfect, sometimes just getting the job 80% done is…I just paused this sentence to review the first sentence and it’s phrasing….i’m moving on with writing this but I’m still thinking ‘maybe that doesn’t sound quite right’ and now I’m thinking maybe I should just scrap this blog all together.

Not today sister.

Finding Consistency In Chaos

Week one million (or so it feels like) of lockdown approaches. I feel like everyone is starting to get super fed up. We have all done the Joe Wicks, made the iced coffees, danced to Tik Tok dances, cleared out our drawers and done more online shopping than our finances are ok with. What’s next?I have found that I am returning to my old ways more and more – but this aint no bad thing! One example is that I bought a football. I don’t know what came over me I haven’t played with a football in years! As a child, I loved nothing more than going outside and kicking a football around. I was so happy when it arrived and once I got it blown up I was straight outside with my new purchase.

Failing Exams

Repeating Professional Exams – A Blurred History of Failure

I’m trying to keep this blog writing thing up but honestly being consistently exhausted makes it so physically hard sometimes – bear with me! I do my best to be positive but some days I just get so frustrated. I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in a body that wants to sleep 24/7.I thought long and hard about what way to present this next part. I wasn’t sure whether to tell the story as it was or to jazz it up a bit with a few jokes in there. In the end, I decided to tell it exactly as it was. In this current climate, there will be a number of people now feeling how I felt then. All I can say is that it will get better, you will survive this and come out stronger. Yes it sounds cheesy, but if there is a next time that you hit such lows, you have a ladder in the form of coping mechanisms to be able to get out again. It also sort of gives you a superpower – your biggest fear has already been presented itself to you so next time you will be fearless. World Pandemic come at me – you needn’t think you are going to break my spirit.  

failing chartered accountancy exams

Failing Exams Under a Training Contract

I’m not sure how to transition into the next part of the story to be honest… it’s one of the parts of my life that’s super hard for me to revisit. Like that phrase ‘maybe you’ll look back one day and laugh’ definitely does not apply to this bit. There’s a good reason for the Irish way of coping which is lets just never ever talk about that again and shove it under the carpet. It’s because talking about things in your past is friggin hard. It’s also hard to tell the full story of what happened and keep the people involved anonymous. At the same time though, they know who they are haha.

Coming to America

If you are still reading from my first blog post – thanks!! If you are a new reader then welcome!

It has been a wee while now since my last blog post… I’m not sure if any of you can relate but when you have a chronic condition you find yourself readjusting all the time. I was in a wee bubble there where work was busy but I was still winding down at the appropriate time and remembering to drink enough water and take my meds and do yoga and all that nice stuff. Then it got a wee bit busier and sure I was starting to forget the water and not do yoga and that is the EXACT TIME you should be doing these things! It’s just a wee reminder to me that I always need to make sure I am making time to keep myself on the wagon! You are no use to anyone anyway if you are bringing out the worst of your condition by neglecting the things that keep it under control. Anyway on to the main bit…(can you tell I’m easily distracted and go off on tangents..)

The Start of the Middle

So the sleepy story continues – thanks to anyone who took the time to read my first post!My old history teacher used to start her lessons with only a whiteboard marker in hand and ask ‘what year were we on?’ someone would chime in ‘1914 miss’ ‘ah yes…this was the year that marked the beginning of the first world war..’ and she would rhyme off everything that happened that year for the lesson (absolute lady and genius, I owe my A-Level to her!) So I suppose in the same fashion…we left off at the secondary school era…