I started writing this blog probably about 2-3months ago now. Each time I attempted to continue the story I would stop and be unable to actually type the facts. I think that’s human though, it’s natural to bury painful feelings deep down. I thought maybe I should leave some parts out. Maybe I need to…
I feel like January lasted one million years but also can’t believe it’s the end of the January. Regardless, thank goodness it’s over – it really kicked my butt!My blog writing didn’t quite get off to a good start. I went fully into my shell under a blanket of extreme tiredness and endless episodes of Greys Anatomy. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was low key depressed or it was Greys Anatomy or it was the moon cycles or my god damn hormones but jeez it was a rough old month.
Happy New Year!! I can’t seem to write a blog post in one sitting these days so these were my thoughts on New Years eve:As the New Year approaches, it is a time of reflection on the year that is almost over and the memories attached to it. It was my 28th birthday yesterday and I found myself thinking about where I was at in my life and what I still wanted to achieve. This led to a lot of self-criticism about career, finances, ambitions…I noticed I was focusing on what I HADN’T done yet rather than what I had achieved to date. I found myself thinking that in childhood I thought I would be married by now, have bought a house by now and be further in my career by now. I was generally focusing on the should-haves rather than the progress I had made throughout the year.
I’m not sure how to transition into the next part of the story to be honest… it’s one of the parts of my life that’s super hard for me to revisit. Like that phrase ‘maybe you’ll look back one day and laugh’ definitely does not apply to this bit. There’s a good reason for the Irish way of coping which is lets just never ever talk about that again and shove it under the carpet. It’s because talking about things in your past is friggin hard. It’s also hard to tell the full story of what happened and keep the people involved anonymous. At the same time though, they know who they are haha.
Welcome to my first ‘Daily Thoughts’ blog. I decided to split my blog in two because whilst writing about the past and how I was diagnosed, I realised I have a lot of thoughts in the present that I want to document. To be honest, it’s as much for me as anyone else. I have given myself 30 minutes to write something so here we go..
It’s been a wee while now since I wrote a long blog and continued my story. You may have seen a few things have happened since then…I spoke to Belfast Live…then Irish News and then spoke on BBC Radio Ulster on the John Toal show- you know, all regular stuff haha. The response I received was lovely and it has really encouraged me to keep going with my story and raise much needed awareness. A big thank you to everyone who has read the articles and listened to me on the radio. If you happened to miss any of them, check out my links in my previous three blogsThe next section of the story is limbo basically. Even with all the dates written in front of me, it exhausts me to read through all the appointments going back and forth before being diagnosed and sure do yous really care anyway about my Neurology appointment in 2014? Probably not…
How fast a week flies! Last Saturday I had the pleasure of being a guest on the John Toal Show on BBC Radio Ulster.After the Irish news article was released I was contacted by the shows wonderful producer to come on the show…without really thinking I accepted and before I knew it I was at BBC reception getting my pass and brought in front of the coloured mics.
I promise I will return to my story but I thought I would do a quick blog on the story published in Irish News today.After the amazing response to my Belfast Live article ahead of World Narcolepsy day, I wanted to continue raising awareness of Narcolepsy. A few people had contacted me to say that they were going to get their symptoms checked out. To me, this meant everything that my article would have an impact, no matter how small. If it helped just one person get diagnosed earlier then it would make all the difference!
Writing this blog is weird now as 1) it’s no longer anonymous and 2) it was me that outed myself haha. I just thought I would pause my story for a wee second to chat about how it came about. After posting to my personal Facebook account accidentally from my blog Instagram I went through a variety of emotions. First of all I was confused like…hmm that says my name but my blog picture is there that’s not right…then this quickly progressed to panic..oh god what was it I wrote???. Of course, this post wasn’t just a picture of a tree or a coffee or a leaf or other thrilling posts that I put together , OH NO…it was when I had an absolute disaster of a week.
It’s been a wee wile since I posted a blog but as it’s the 1st of September I have that naggin feelin to organise my life and get things sorted.What happens next is a messy puzzle..trying to put together my medical record makes my head literally hurt and also drags up a lot of feelings of frustration and mourning of a life I could have lived. It’s not really my bag to throw a pity party though so I’m gonna keep this as informative as I can for anyone beginning the process of trying to get a diagnosis. That’s the purpose of my blog and why I am here writing about my experience. I know people say this all the time but if it only helps one person then it will all have been worth it. The path to diagnosis was long and hard but I will be forever proud of myself for trusting my gut and pushing my case forward. For anyone still going through the process – hang in there partner. Alright I know I’m not Woody from Toy Story but I honestly think there’s enough plot twists in here for a series of films!