Featured
Notes from the rambler: I’m trying to keep this blog writing thing up but honestly being consistently exhausted makes it so physically hard sometimes – bear with me! I do my best to be positive but some days I just get so frustrated. I am a person who wants to do a lot of things…
I haven’t really been able to keep up with doing a blog per week as previously intended. I was listening to the Wild Expansion Podcast today and she was talking about how she sometimes gets caught up in wanting her podcasts to be perfect or that feeling of not being enough and I think that hits the nail on the head. I’m that hung up about thinking that my blog isn’t as good as other blogs and worrying over the topic that it get’s in the way of actually getting the thing done! What also motivated me to start writing was the fact that I had intended to do four blogs in March and only did two. It’s 1 April today so maybe this can count as three.
I have decided recently that escapism via living in the past, watching the Disney streaming service and reading books about other worlds is my best coping strategy. Along with some Yoga and listening to Pat Divilly because he has a soothing voice. Although this blog post was hard for me to revisit, it reminded me that I have been through a lot and came out the other end. We will all come out the other end of this crazy Pandemic better people and thankful for the little things in life, for they are the big things after all.
I himmed and haaed whether I should write this post or not but feck it – it needs to be said. The lives of vunerable people, the elderly and those with underlying health conditions as well as the general health of the population is completely being disregarded by people for their own selfish end. STAY AT HOME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!I love a good analogy and the way people are responding to the recent crisis got me thinking. This pandemic is making people feel out of control, inconvenienced, bored, frightened, angry etc. For me though, I feel really calm….these emotions are what I already feel on a daily basis. I have absolutely zero time for people complaining because they have been told to stay at home. Here’s why..
I started writing this blog probably about 2-3months ago now. Each time I attempted to continue the story I would stop and be unable to actually type the facts. I think that’s human though, it’s natural to bury painful feelings deep down. I thought maybe I should leave some parts out. Maybe I need to make it funny. Annoyingly as Robert Frost wrote in his poem “Servant of Servants”:‘the best way out is always through’We left off at Autumn 2015 where I had repeated my CAP1 Management Accounting and passed. Now it was time for CAP2s. There was one ‘less’ exam, which was actually the combination of two of the previous topics of Management accounting and Finance into a new rotten module called Strategic Financial and Management Accounting. These exams were more complex than the first set, whilst the first set were the equivalent of an Accountancy degree, this year would be the same as a Masters, but working full time alongside it.
I feel like January lasted one million years but also can’t believe it’s the end of the January. Regardless, thank goodness it’s over – it really kicked my butt!My blog writing didn’t quite get off to a good start. I went fully into my shell under a blanket of extreme tiredness and endless episodes of Greys Anatomy. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was low key depressed or it was Greys Anatomy or it was the moon cycles or my god damn hormones but jeez it was a rough old month.
Happy New Year!! I can’t seem to write a blog post in one sitting these days so these were my thoughts on New Years eve:As the New Year approaches, it is a time of reflection on the year that is almost over and the memories attached to it. It was my 28th birthday yesterday and I found myself thinking about where I was at in my life and what I still wanted to achieve. This led to a lot of self-criticism about career, finances, ambitions…I noticed I was focusing on what I HADN’T done yet rather than what I had achieved to date. I found myself thinking that in childhood I thought I would be married by now, have bought a house by now and be further in my career by now. I was generally focusing on the should-haves rather than the progress I had made throughout the year.
I’m not sure how to transition into the next part of the story to be honest… it’s one of the parts of my life that’s super hard for me to revisit. Like that phrase ‘maybe you’ll look back one day and laugh’ definitely does not apply to this bit. There’s a good reason for the Irish way of coping which is lets just never ever talk about that again and shove it under the carpet. It’s because talking about things in your past is friggin hard. It’s also hard to tell the full story of what happened and keep the people involved anonymous. At the same time though, they know who they are haha.
Welcome to my first ‘Daily Thoughts’ blog. I decided to split my blog in two because whilst writing about the past and how I was diagnosed, I realised I have a lot of thoughts in the present that I want to document. To be honest, it’s as much for me as anyone else. I have given myself 30 minutes to write something so here we go..
It’s been a wee while now since I wrote a long blog and continued my story. You may have seen a few things have happened since then…I spoke to Belfast Live…then Irish News and then spoke on BBC Radio Ulster on the John Toal show- you know, all regular stuff haha. The response I received was lovely and it has really encouraged me to keep going with my story and raise much needed awareness. A big thank you to everyone who has read the articles and listened to me on the radio. If you happened to miss any of them, check out my links in my previous three blogsThe next section of the story is limbo basically. Even with all the dates written in front of me, it exhausts me to read through all the appointments going back and forth before being diagnosed and sure do yous really care anyway about my Neurology appointment in 2014? Probably not…